Blame me

Blame me
It’s not your fault
You were accused for an assault
Held by default
But I refuse to reduce your name
and put you to shame
So I'll take the blame
I'll carry it on my shoulders
Block out disgrace
With two big boulders
And I’m sorry for the things I've done
that shot you like a gun
and made me want to run
Cause I knew it couldn’t be undone
But the war had just begun
Sorry I couldn’t understand
your demands and commands
in the language you spoke
which made the gap between us expand
But I was able to withstand
Sorry for the hearts I broke
Blame me for thinking it was just a joke
Sorry for wanting someone by my side
All the tears that I cried
were for making me hide what’s inside
Sorry for growing up
And expecting you to allow my growth
I said I would never pick up a coffee cup
But this stress got me breaking my oath
You acted but blame me cause
I reacted in an equal but opposite reaction
Is it my fault that you weren’t able to pause?
not when I wasn’t your satisfaction
Your words were wrong
but blame me for falling for them
and not being strong
so I became worse when you wanted me better
felt so much I couldn’t even say in a letter
you never learned
so how do I expect you to teach
but I still fell and avoided your reach
Blame me for what you’ve done to me
Only He has the key to free me of my past
A power no one can surpass..

Fear

I live in fear
constantly near tears
when anxiety appears
All I wanna do is
disappear and adhere
to what I know.
But what am I afraid of?
What is too heavy to shove?
It’s the constant battle
between us and them
The battle between bio and chem,
those bodies and our chemistry.
It’s the fear of getting trapped
in separate cages with only
our eyes at work and our hands at rest
its too hard to digest
and we cant attest
to what they say.
It’s the fear of trying
and them denying
It’s the fear of walking tall
then them coming down
and hawking all.
All that I’ve hoped for
All that I’ve groped for
I’m still tryna figure out life itself
But when fear creeps in,
All I’ve tried gets placed back on a shelf.
for when fear leaps out.
and when all i wanna do is
Forget
Everything
And
Run
I’m reminded that I must
Face
Everything
And
Recover
It’s that motivation I constantly need
In order for me to proceed
my way ahead to succeed
Cause I got somewhere to go
so I must leave fear down below.

I miss you this much

Where have you been
I’ve been waiting for you for so long
Waiting to sing another happy song
Waiting for you to be where you belong
I’ve been searching here and there
I swear it wasn’t fair for you and I
to be waiting for each other
There are many others
But we wouldn’t want another
cause we only want each other
Where did you go?
I didn’t know
I would miss you this much
Wherever you went
wasn’t as content
as the times we would’ve spent
Why did we part?
cause being apart
is like a bleeding heart
that doesn’t close up.
It heals then aches
then shakes and breaks
and all over again it goes
like neatly stacked leaves
that the wind blows
Baby, it’s been longer than
the longest time
Lately, you’ve been farther
than the farthest place
so pack your bags and come back
Track me down, get what you lacked
Show is over so roll on over
And I miss your touch in such
a way, so let’s get in touch.
Cause I miss you this much
as I sit here and clutch
your picture in my hands
as I wait the day when
this picture takes form
to keep me warm.

I wish I knew you

I sit here and think
Eyes on my thoughts
without a blink
people around me distraught
and I with a silent cry
I sit here pensive, watching them
Hard to reach like Eminem
I wish I knew you like they do
Then I’ll feel what they feel
and know what they lost
Hi - I barely spoke
this word to you.
Why, I never looked
you in the face.
How, I never shared
your embrace
I wish I knew you
even if you were
a million miles away.
Even if there was a flood
I’d travel just to see my blood
Even if there was a hurricane
I’d reach you just to
see you in your cane
Even in snow,
I’d come to let you know
that I wouldn’t want you to go
But these weather warriors
never came to stop me
and i never made it across the sea
And you left before I got a chance
to pull my boat off shore
to travel, to reach you,
to come and say hello.
How do I say bye to
someone I never really knew?
I sit here and replay in my mind
your voice that I didn’t leave behind
from the one time I spoke to you
and the memories of their memories
I never knew you
but I wish I knew you
and If I knew you, then I’ll reminisce
on all the times I would miss
But I never knew you
so I sit here & reminisce
on all the times that would exist
and with all those times,
I can say bye bye.

Letting GO

It was good while it lasted
you had the music blasted
so I couldn’t hear the siren
you had me in your game
just for me to show your fame
but it’s just a shame for me to say
that we’re not the same
and there’s not a soul to blame
I was the quarterback at times.
initiated almost all plays.
I threw and never once was I sacked.
It was not an act cause I knew for a fact
I had a good offensive linemen.
I was the tight end at other times
I ran and ran, never once
did I let the enemy unseen break through
I ran and ran, but never once
did I spot the ball from you
I ran and ran, but never once
would you send it my way
so few times I received my pay
I was left empty handed
But I still never left you stranded.
You were the wide receiver at all times
you caught all my passes
but this was all you wanted to be.
All you wanted was your gain
And I didn’t have a brain enough
to see the pain you would strain
just to complete your reign
Now the game seems over,
The game that was played selfishly
The game I thought was a two way street
The game that left me speechless
But I must let go I guess
Of this un-fixable mess,
That just leaves me feeling stressed
Letting go is never easy
It can leave you feeling queasy.
But before I go, I’ll ask you this
Give me one last kiss
Goodbye..

More than just a simple gal

Hi, my name is Val
but I’m more than just a simple gal
Yea I speak, read and write
But can I live, love and laugh
Can I stay positive
among all the negativity
Can I stand firm
as I’m held in mere captivity
Am I able to learn
not to give in to life’s decay
Let the current take me away
where I will suffer, hate and cry
Let the dust penetrate my eye
cloud my vision
can’t avoid a collision
and it forces an incision
through my stomach
then shiver as the temperature
brings me down.
But this isn’t my decision.
So I cannot let this overtake me
What’s best for me to undertake?
It’s whatever makes me happy
not what aches me and leaves me sappy
So I’d rather go down town
walk through a war with no weapons
but I’ll have a bullet proof vest on
cause my name is Val
and I’m more than just a simple gal
cause Thy rod and Thy staff
they comfort me.
cause You’re my rock,
my sword, my shield.
cause there's a time to rest,
to forget about all this mess
that plagues our lives
and traps our minds
but then we wake up
and tend to make up
for yesterday's loses,
if only we would just
leave it up to Him up above,
if we must, our wear to dust,
white as a dove,
clean for tomorrow's gain.